Consent & relationships glossary

Explore each term in this topic, then open its full explanation for context, sources and related reading.

Abuse versus consensual power exchange
The distinction between negotiated, withdrawable adult role authority and patterns of coercion, fear, isolation or control that remove meaningful choice.
Accountability, apology and repair
Processes for acknowledging impact, stopping harmful conduct, accepting appropriate consequences and making changes intended to prevent recurrence. An apology does not require forgiveness or reconciliation.
Boundary
A limit a person sets around their body, time, information, relationships or participation. It identifies what they will or will not accept rather than granting control over another person.
Bystander intervention
Safe action by a witness to interrupt, distract, document, delegate or seek help concerning potentially harmful behaviour.
Capacity to consent
The present, decision-specific ability to understand relevant information, use or weigh it and communicate a choice. The exact legal test depends on the UK jurisdiction and context.
Check-in
A brief communication used to confirm comfort, capacity, consent or changing needs before, during or after an interaction.
Coercion
The use of force, threats, manipulation, control or serious pressure to obtain conduct that is not freely chosen.
Compersion
A term for positive feelings about another person's pleasure or relationship. It may coexist with jealousy and is not required for ethical non-monogamy. The word describes an emotion someone may recognise, not a promise to feel happy or accept a relationship arrangement they do not want.
Consensual non-monogamy
An umbrella for relationship structures in which adults knowingly agree that more than one sexual and/or romantic connection may occur.
Consent
A person's freely chosen, informed and continuing agreement to a specific activity or interaction while they have capacity to decide. Consent can be conditional, paused or withdrawn and is not supplied by silence, a relationship, a role or previous participation.
Consent versus compliance
The distinction between freely choosing an activity and merely going along because of fear, pressure, dependency, resignation or perceived consequences.
Consent violation
Conduct outside a person's freely given consent, including continuing after withdrawal or exceeding agreed scope. It is an umbrella description, not a substitute for legal or safeguarding assessment.
Desire discrepancy
A difference between partners in how often, when or under what conditions they want sexual contact. Difference does not create an obligation for either person.
Freedom to consent
The practical freedom to make a sexual choice without force, threats, coercive control or pressure that removes meaningful choice.
Friends with benefits
A friendship that also includes mutually agreed sexual contact without necessarily becoming a conventional romantic partnership.
Kitchen-table polyamory
Kitchen-table polyamory describes a relationship network where partners and their partners are comfortable sharing friendly social time. The image is of people being able to sit together at a kitchen table. It does not mean everybody dates one another, lives together or must become close friends. The term concerns the social connections around relationships rather than a required household structure. Someone might enjoy occasional meals with a partner’s other partner while keeping their own relationship private. Different people can want different amounts of contact, and those preferences may change. Treat invitations as optional and ask before sharing another person’s private information. A desire for a friendly network does not justify requiring attendance, closeness or emotional disclosure. If someone prefers parallel relationships with less contact, discuss practical arrangements respectfully. There is no need to rank one social style as more mature or more caring than another.
Metamour
A partner of one's partner with whom one is not necessarily romantically or sexually involved.
Monogamy
A relationship structure in which partners agree to sexual and/or romantic exclusivity, with the exact scope defined by those involved.
New relationship energy
An informal term for heightened excitement, focus or idealisation during a new connection. It is descriptive, not a diagnosis or excuse for neglecting agreements.
Open relationship
A relationship whose partners agree that defined sexual and/or romantic connections outside it are permitted.
Polyamory
A form of consensual non-monogamy that allows multiple loving, romantic or emotionally intimate relationships with the knowledge and agreement of those involved.
Polycule
A polycule is a network of connected polyamorous relationships. It may include partners and their other partners, without everyone dating everyone else. The word describes connections rather than a fixed group size, shared home or agreed hierarchy. Each adult’s involvement and boundaries still need to be understood individually. A simple network might include one person with two partners who are not romantically involved with each other. Larger networks can have several overlapping connections. A diagram can help explain who is connected, but it should not disclose someone’s identity or private relationship without permission. Being part of the same polycule does not automatically create friendship, sexual contact, shared finances or responsibility for every member. Ask which information needs to be shared and who wants social contact. People may join, leave or change a connection; the network label never removes their individual choice.
Relationship agreement
A shared understanding about expectations, boundaries, disclosure, safer sex or other relationship matters. Agreements remain reviewable and do not erase individual consent.
Relationship anarchy
An approach that questions default relationship hierarchies and lets each connection develop through explicit values and agreements rather than prescribed categories.
Relationship hierarchy
An arrangement in which some relationships receive priority, authority or resources over others, whether explicitly agreed or created by circumstance.
Rule versus boundary
A common distinction between a requirement aimed at another person's conduct and a statement of one's own limits or choices. Real arrangements may combine both and need clear discussion.
Safecall
A prearranged contact or check-in used when meeting someone or attending an event, with an agreed response if contact is missed.
Soft swap and full swap
Soft swap and full swap are informal swinging terms for different agreed limits on sexual contact with other adults. Soft swap commonly excludes penetrative intercourse with outside partners; full swap may include it. Neither label is a complete agreement, and people use the words differently, so ask what is meant. These descriptions are vocabulary, not instructions or stages someone must progress through. Soft does not mean risk-free, and full does not mean consent to everything. Each adult decides independently whether they want any contact, with whom and under what conditions. A couple’s agreement cannot decide on behalf of another person. Discuss boundaries in plain language before making assumptions, including privacy and relevant sexual-health information. Anyone can pause, decline or change their mind. Attendance at a venue, a previous experience or a profile label does not replace present consent. The related swinging guide explains agreements and etiquette without explicit sexual instructions.
Solo polyamory
Solo polyamory describes an approach to consensual multiple relationships that prioritises personal autonomy rather than assuming a central couple, shared home or merged finances. A person may have committed relationships while keeping substantial independence. Solo does not mean lonely, uncommitted or available whenever someone else wants contact. The label can help explain that conventional milestones, such as moving in together, are not an automatic goal. It does not specify exactly what someone wants now or what they may choose later. Ask about time, emotional support, privacy and practical commitments rather than assuming the word settles those questions. Being single and being solo polyamorous are different descriptions: one concerns current relationship status, while the other describes an approach. Independence still leaves room for reliability and care. If you make an agreement, explain changes and consider people who rely on it; autonomy is not a reason to mislead a partner.
Specific and conditional consent
Agreement limited to particular people, activities, conditions, timing or safeguards. Activity outside the agreed scope has not been authorised.
Swinging
Consensual sexual socialising involving couples or partners, often in shared settings; practices, identities and agreements vary.
Trauma-informed practice
An approach organised around safety, trust, choice, collaboration, empowerment and cultural awareness, intended to avoid unnecessary re-traumatisation.
Unicorn
In adult non-monogamy discussions, a unicorn commonly means a single person interested in dating an established couple, often imagined as a bisexual woman. The term is informal and not everyone welcomes it. It does not make someone an accessory, guarantee attraction to both partners or establish consent. Unicorn hunting is often used critically when a couple seeks a person expected to fit arrangements already decided without their input. A three-person relationship is not automatically unfair, but each adult needs a meaningful voice and freedom to decline. Existing partners should not treat another person’s needs as permanently less important. Discuss expectations directly, including privacy, time and what happens if one connection changes. Feelings may develop differently between each pair. Nobody should be pressured to continue unwanted intimacy to preserve another relationship, retain housing or satisfy a couple’s plan. Use the person’s preferred language rather than assigning the label yourself.
Vetting
Seeking relevant information about a person, event or provider before deciding whether to engage. It can inform judgement but never guarantees safety.
Withdrawal of consent
A person's decision to stop agreeing. Consent can be withdrawn at any time and activity must stop when withdrawal is communicated or otherwise apparent.