How to use this terminology guide
Sex terminology is easier to use when each word has a plain meaning and a link to fuller context. This adult glossary route groups 70 common terms across bodies, activity, identity, relationships, consent and health. The definitions are brief; they cannot decide what another person means by a label, diagnose a condition or answer a fact-specific legal question. Follow any linked entry for detail and sources.
Start with the section that matches your question, then ask a partner or clinician what a term means in the particular conversation. Some words have more than one meaning, and people may choose different labels for themselves. None of the entries below grants permission to act on another person. For health symptoms, use the relevant NHS service instead of treating a definition as advice.
Bodies, desire and response
These words describe experiences, functions and variation. A term is a starting point for a conversation, not a diagnosis or a target to reach.
- Sexuality
- A broad part of life involving attraction, identity, relationships, pleasure, values and expression, with different importance for different people.
- Sex
- A word with several meanings, including sexual activity and biological characteristics; clarify which meaning a speaker intends.
- Sexual pleasure
- A positive experience that may include physical sensation, emotional connection or personal meaning, without one required response.
- Sexual desire
- Interest in sexual activity or connection; its level can vary across situations and over time without a universal normal.
- Arousal
- A pattern of physical or mental response that does not by itself show desire, agreement or a wish to continue.
- Arousal non-concordance
- A mismatch between a bodily response and what a person consciously wants or feels; never treat a reflex as consent.
- Responsive desire
- Interest that may emerge after welcome closeness or context, rather than appearing first; it still depends on free choice.
- Sexual response
- The varied bodily and emotional changes around sexual experience, which do not have to follow a fixed sequence.
- Orgasm
- One possible sexual response, not a required endpoint, measure of a partner's skill or proof of consent.
- Erectile difficulties
- Difficulty getting or keeping an erection when wanted; persistent problems deserve a GP conversation because health factors may contribute.
- Painful sex
- Pain connected with sexual activity; it is a reason to pause and seek healthcare advice rather than push through.
- Pelvic-floor health
- The function and comfort of muscles supporting pelvic organs; symptoms are a reason to ask a clinician or pelvic-health specialist.
Activity, fantasy and context
These labels describe ideas and social contexts. They say little about what an individual person has agreed to do.
- Sexual fantasy
- An imagined idea that can stay entirely private or fictional; imagining something is not an agreement to enact it.
- Sexual script
- An expectation about how an encounter should unfold, often learned socially; it can be questioned or discarded.
- Kink
- A broad label for interests or practices outside someone's assumed conventional sexual script; individual meanings and boundaries vary.
- Fetish
- An attraction or strong interest focused on a particular object, material, body feature or situation, without implying a disorder.
- BDSM
- An umbrella term for negotiated bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism or masochism interests among adults; it is not one activity.
- Roleplay
- A shared fictional character or setting used by adults, with real consent and an ordinary route out of character.
- Scene
- A negotiated period of activity, or sometimes the wider community; context tells you which meaning applies.
- Play
- Community language for an agreed activity or exploration; the friendly word does not remove risk or consent duties.
- Vanilla
- An informal label for interests considered conventional in a given context; it is not a judgement or fixed identity.
- Sex-positive
- An approach that values informed choice and dignity, including the choice not to have sex or explore an interest.
Identity and orientation
A person chooses the words that fit them. Orientation, gender and a particular fantasy are different dimensions, and no label can be assigned from clothing or behaviour.
- Asexual
- A label often used by someone who experiences little or no sexual attraction; relationships and personal meaning still vary.
- Aromantic
- A label often used by someone who experiences little or no romantic attraction; it does not prescribe sexual behaviour.
- Bisexual
- A sexual-orientation label for attraction to more than one gender, with individual meanings that a person may describe differently.
- Pansexual
- An orientation label for attraction that is not limited by gender; a person's own explanation is more useful than a stereotype.
- Demisexual
- A label for sexual attraction that may develop only after an emotional connection, without specifying any required relationship structure.
- Queer
- A broad self-chosen label used by some people for sexuality or gender outside conventional categories; others do not use it.
- Romantic orientation
- A way to describe patterns of romantic attraction, which may differ from sexual attraction and is defined by the person.
- Gender identity
- A person's own sense of gender, which cannot be inferred from a role, a body feature or someone's clothing.
- Gender expression
- How someone presents gender through style, voice or behaviour; it need not match other people's assumptions about identity.
- Transgender
- A self-description for someone whose gender differs from the gender assigned to them at birth; experiences are individual.
- Non-binary
- An umbrella label for gender experiences outside an exclusively man-or-woman description, used in different ways by different people.
- Intersex
- A term for natural variations in sex characteristics; it is distinct from gender identity and should not be guessed from appearance.
Relationships and agreements
Relationship words describe arrangements and experiences, not a universal rulebook. People still need explicit agreements about the details.
- Monogamy
- A relationship agreement usually centred on exclusivity; the people involved should define what exclusivity means to them.
- Consensual non-monogamy
- An umbrella for relationships allowing more than one romantic or sexual connection with informed agreement among those involved.
- Polyamory
- A form of consensual non-monogamy in which people may have multiple loving relationships, with agreements varying between people.
- Open relationship
- A relationship whose agreed boundaries allow some outside connections; the phrase alone does not specify activities or disclosure.
- Swinging
- One form of consensual non-monogamy often centred on shared social or sexual experiences; participants define their own limits.
- Relationship anarchy
- An approach that questions default relationship hierarchies and invites people to shape commitments intentionally rather than by a standard script.
- Friends with benefits
- An informal description for friends who also choose sexual contact; the friendship and expectations still need discussion.
- Relationship agreement
- A shared description of expectations, boundaries and review points; it can be revised and cannot override present consent.
- Desire discrepancy
- A difference between partners' levels or timing of desire, which calls for conversation rather than blame or obligation.
- Metamour
- A partner's other partner in some non-monogamous networks; the word does not require friendship or a particular level of contact.
- Compersion
- A word some people use for positive feelings about a partner's other connection; it is not a required test of maturity.
- New relationship energy
- An informal name for the intensity of a new connection; existing commitments still deserve care and clear communication.
Consent and boundaries
These terms help separate a voluntary choice from a response shaped by pressure. Where law is relevant, check the appropriate UK nation and circumstances.
- Consent
- A current, freely made agreement to a particular activity; prior interest, a relationship or silence does not supply it.
- Capacity to consent
- The ability to make the relevant decision at the time; capacity is specific to the decision and situation.
- Freedom to consent
- The real ability to choose without pressure or consequences that undermine a person's choice.
- Conditional consent
- Agreement limited by an expressed condition, such as a boundary about a particular act or protection; crossing it changes the agreement.
- Withdrawal of consent
- Ending an earlier yes; the activity should stop when a person withdraws, however the scene was described beforehand.
- Consent versus compliance
- The distinction between a wanted choice and going along because of fear, pressure or a belief that refusal is unsafe.
- Coercion
- Pressure or control that undermines a free choice; a playful label cannot make coercive conduct consensual.
- Boundary
- A limit a person sets for their own participation, privacy or contact; it can change and should be respected.
- Check-in
- A direct question about comfort, willingness or a change of plan, with room for a genuine no.
- Consent violation
- Conduct that crosses a person's expressed limits or proceeds without the needed agreement; seek support if it happens.
- Aftercare
- Support chosen after an intense or meaningful experience, which might include rest, conversation, practical help or space.
- Sexual agency
- A person's ability to make their own choices about sexual life, including choosing not to participate or to change direction.
Sexual health and services
Health terms are signposts to current clinical information. The linked NHS and specialist guides give details for symptoms, testing and local services.
- Sexual health
- Wellbeing and care connected to sexual life, including information, prevention, symptoms and access to respectful services.
- STI
- A sexually transmitted infection; symptoms are not a reliable way to rule one in or out, so testing matters.
- STI testing
- Tests for infections chosen according to exposure, symptoms and timing, with a sexual-health service advising on the right route.
- HIV
- A virus affecting the immune system; testing, treatment and prevention information should come from current health services.
- PrEP
- Pre-exposure prophylaxis: medicine used before possible HIV exposure by eligible people, with assessment through sexual-health services.
- PEP
- Post-exposure prophylaxis: time-sensitive HIV prevention after a possible exposure, requiring urgent advice from a sexual-health service.
- Condoms and barriers
- Physical prevention options that can reduce some STI and pregnancy risks when appropriate, without replacing communication or testing.
- Lubricants
- Products used to reduce friction; check the type, intended use and compatibility with any barrier or material involved.
- Contraception
- Methods intended to prevent pregnancy; suitability, effectiveness and access are personal healthcare questions rather than relationship tests.
- Emergency contraception
- Options after unprotected sex or contraceptive failure; seek timely advice because available choices and timing differ.
- Sexual-health clinic
- A service offering confidential advice, testing and care, with routes and availability varying by UK nation and area.
- Partner notification
- Helping relevant partners know about a possible STI exposure so they can seek testing and care, sometimes with clinic support.
Common questions
Must I choose a label? No. A description can help communication, but it is optional and may change. Does a body response prove desire? No. Ask the person; an involuntary response is not agreement. Are kink and orientation the same thing? They describe different aspects of life. One label does not imply the other. Is a relationship term enough to set rules? No. Talk about actual expectations and boundaries.
Can a glossary diagnose me? No. A clinician can help assess persistent symptoms or distress. Do these legal terms apply in every UK nation? Not necessarily; check the linked law guide for jurisdiction and current status. What if someone uses a word differently? Ask for their meaning without correcting their identity. Where do I start if I am overwhelmed? Use one question and one linked entry at a time.
When to get help in the UK
For STI symptoms, testing, contraception or another health concern, start with NHS sexual health information and a local sexual-health clinic, GP or pharmacist. Scotland has NHS inform; services also differ in Wales and Northern Ireland. The medical-help guide distinguishes urgent and routine routes. Do not use a glossary term to self-diagnose persistent pain or another symptom.
If consent or coercion is the concern, the consent and capacity guide and UK help directory identify support. Call 999 for immediate danger. Relate can help with relationship conversations, and COSRT lists qualified therapists for persistent sexual or relationship concerns. For a legal issue, use a qualified adviser in the relevant UK nation.